Starting to question how happy you are in your marriage can be a shock...
Most marriages are a rollercoaster of good times and bad and maybe there is no such thing as the perfect marriage. However, when the bad times outweigh the good, you can get to a point of seriously considering whether to end your marriage. When you become tired of the same old battles, resentments, and disagreements resurfacing, you may start to ask yourself, would I be happier alone?
You may have been waiting for your partner to change, yet the changes are short-lived and before long the same pattern of dysfunctional behaviors re-surface and your hope is dashed that your marriage was finally going to improve. Alternatively, the magic may have simply disappeared from your marriage and you are more like housemates rather than sharing a deep and enduring loving and intimate bond.
Considering ending a marriage may seem to be a huge undertaking, and often in the dark of the night, you think it is an impossibility. Realistically, how do you undo all that you have built up together? Questions such as how the children will be affected, how will other people react? and, can I afford to separate? plague your mind daily. If you feel it is impossible to leave, you can feel trapped and helpless, meaning you become more despondent as time goes by.
You may even have met someone else who has made you realize you could be happier, and it is common for affairs to start when you feel your marriage is lacking in some way. Whilst initially, affairs can be exciting and fun, ultimately, they can lead to more confusion in knowing what to do regarding ending your marriage.
Ending a marriage is often seen as a bad thing to do - yet I believe ending a marriage is one of the most liberating and confidence-building experiences for anyone in an unhappy situation.
Whilst some questions such as financial implications and children's access can only be answered by a legal professional, knowing where to start to explore the idea of separation can be a huge relief.
My personal journey through the divorce process prompted me, as a counseling psychologist, to write a book to help others. I have adapted my book into this online resource, which is helping people all around the world identify if their marriage needs to end. However, the course also makes suggestions on how you can improve your marriage and suggests solutions to improve communication. Ultimately this course is a safe, private space to explore how you really feel about separation.
Remember completing this course does not mean you will get divorced, it will simply help you become more aware of what could be stopping you from making a decision and help you to make more of an informed choice.
I wish you well on your journey and remember, you have a right to be happy.
From my heart to yours
anonymised for privacy
I Can Handle Divorce is well written & helpful
Bill Gladstone (Agent for Eckhart Tolle and Neale Donald Walsch)
I have read your new book I can handle divorce, and what can I say, WOW! I actually cried while reading it along with nodding my head through the whole book. I found it so helpful and made me feel very positive about my situation and that I CAN HANDLE IT! Amazon Reviewer
I think sometimes it takes for you to read or hear something for you to have some clarity on what is going on and our emotions cloud our judgment and make us believe that something is the right decision when actually it is just the easiest option. Your book made me realise I was just taking the easiest option to avoid my fears.
Amazon Reviewer
I cannot get over how helpful your book was and take your advice to heart as you have clearly been through and survived a very similar situation to mine. It is also comforting for me to think, if you have done it, so can I! I just want to thank you for writing this book and I will be very interested in any more books you create with your wisdom and knowledge.
Amazon reviewer
This book certainly made me think and reflect on my own marriage. It gave me permission to feel the way I was feeling and when I have a 'wobble' I pick up the book and instantly feel calmer. I keep it in my handbag as the size is perfect to carry around. I have also bought two copies for my friends to encourage them they too can handle divorce!
Amazon Reviewer
Thank you so much for helping me through the worst time of my life. You have no idea how much strength you gave me to keep going. You are an amazing person and an inspiration. I hope I can now put my ostrich past behind me and move forward.
Tracy – Zoom Client (UK)
I am finally divorced and I am over the moon and just want to thank you for helping me find my courage and strength. I really couldn’t have done it without you.
Mary – Face to face client (UK)
I just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes to what is ‘single life’ – I love the peace and freedom it gives me and even though the divorce process was hard, it was worth it!
Sue – Zoom Client (UK)
I can see how I was raised to think about marriage and then divorce, was totally inappropriate for my mental health. Understanding separation and divorce from a more spiritual perspective has literally set me free.
Jane – Face to face client (UK)
A course to support people considering ending a relationship
For many, the end of a relationship can signify failure, loss, and emotional turmoil. In addition, the financial implications and worries about survival post-divorce can be a huge burden for anyone to carry. Concerns about how children will be affected by the breakup can make many ‘put up and shut up’ for far too long. Extra-marital affairs can start as one party seeks to find solace and comfort in another’s arms. Before long, resentment, bitterness and unhappiness can start to fester, silently impacting every member of the household.
Divorce can seem such a shaming word; the merest thought of it fills people with dread. And no matter how loveless marriage is, no one wakes up one morning and thinks, ‘I think I’ll get divorced’. In fact, it is usually the opposite; the divorce dilemma slowly permeates into your soul after years of frustration, years of being on an emotional rollercoaster, and after years of trying to make it work but seeing no improvements.
One day, you find yourself wondering what would it be like to get off this rollercoaster, and so your divorce dilemma starts…
Yet, the thought of separating and divorce can be so overwhelming as it represents a physical, emotional, mental, and financial ending. The loss which occurs on all levels can feel so overwhelming, you try and tell yourself that your marriage is not that bad. You may begin drinking more alcohol, start to take anti-depressants, or stay longer at work all to simply help you manage the joyless situation. Yet, in reality, what is needed is a reassuring guiding hand to empower you to have the courage to walk the path of considering your options regarding your marriage.
Rachael Alexander is that guiding hand…
“After working with many clients and reading testimonials from the readers of my book; ‘I can handle Divorce’; breaking up can be one of the most liberating, empowering acts of self-love that anyone can experience, not just for themselves but for the other person in the partnership. In addition, the positive effect on children no longer experiencing tension which occurs from a non-loving marriage has been proven academically for years”.
and methodology
This is an interactive course where you have the opportunity to journal answers to questions asked at the end of each module - this is an extremely powerful tool that allows you to take a step back and think about why you feel a certain way and consider what your next steps are.
This self-reflective process allows for a positive shift in your mindset, meaning you can think more clearly, allowing you to make decisions that reduce confusion.
The course has 16 modules which each take approximately 30 minutes to complete
Each module has a video introduction, written guidance, reflective journal prompts, and a set of positive affirmations.
Module 1
Why can’t I just live happily ever after?
Module 2
Marriage is supposed to be hard work – isn’t it?
Module 3
I’ve got to make it work; I don’t have a choice – do I?
Module 4
I must stay for the sake of my children – don’t I?
Module 5
I don’t even know where to start
Module 6
Solicitors and the court scare me
Module 7
I don’t want to see my children upset
Module 8
Who will support me – I feel so alone
Module 9
Why can’t I stop crying – I should be able to handle it
Module 10
I can handle making changes
Module 11
I think I am ready to decide
Module 12
Helping others to respect my decision
Module 13
Managing my ex-partner
Module 14
I can’t survive on my own – can I?
Module 15
Moving on – Bring it on!
Module 16
OMG – I’ve handled it!
✔ You are unhappy in your relationship
✔ You are wondering if counselling or mediation will help your relationship
✔ You are thinking about the implications of ending your relationship
✔ You are considering separation and or divorce as an option
✔ Need reassurance that separation is an avenue to explore
✔ Need support in handling the emotional and mental upheaval of separation
✔ Want unbiased guidance which will help give you clarity and reduce confusion
✔ You are confused about the next steps
✔ Are not quite ready to see a legal professional yet
You will
✔ Have clarity regarding if separation and or divorce is the right choice for you
✔ Know the next steps regarding the legal procedure to take
✔ Have an increased awareness of the fears which may be stopping you from separating
✔ Have reduced anxiety when dealing with your partner, family and lawyers
✔ Be reassured that separation is the right choice for you
✔ Feel supported in handling this major life change
✔ Be confident that you can and will handle all aspects of the separation process
✔ Know you can make choices that are right for you
✔ Be less fearless of the future and reduced self-doubts
✔ Have an action plan for moving on with an increased belief in your own capabilities and inner strength
✔ Know you can handle whatever happens during and after the separation process
You also receive a copy of my e-book; I can handle divorce as part of the course. (RRP £7.99)
from previous clients
Is it normal to feel confused and overwhelmed when I am considering separation?
Of course! Very few people enter a committed relationship thinking it will end. Not only are you facing the loss of your future with someone, but you are also thrust into a world of the ‘unknown’ which means your ‘survival’ is threatened. This then triggers your fear leading to worry and even anxiety. You can become so overwhelmed with emotion that you struggle to think logically, and this maybe why you feel so confused and uncertain when considering separation.
I have stayed for the sake of the children but now my mental health is suffering. What can I do?
You may think staying for the children is being kind, yet some children are very perceptive and will be able to tell if either parent is unhappy. Children have a right to be raised in a home where both parties are loving, supportive, communicative, and open with each other. Anything else is damaging for them. Even if you are not arguing with your partner, your children are not witnessing love being demonstrated between two people. The danger is they then replicate your relationship dynamics with their partner when they are older as this is what has been modelled. It is important to remember one parent can provide a great upbringing for the child if the home is safe, loving, and free from underlying resentments and conflict
Will my children be traumatised by the separation? I am scared.
Of course, you are as you are an empathic parent, and our society does a great job of telling you how divorce upsets children. Yet what is important to remember is how much a disharmonious home can affect not only the mental health of you but your children as well. This topic is so key there is a module in the course on this subject alone
Can I afford to separate from my partner?
This is a common worry for those considering separation and therefore seeing a legal professional can be so reassuring. However, even booking a consultation with them can be scary and this course will help you in making this step and reassure you of all the different ways you can gain help with the legal process.
Why do I feel like I have failed if I end this relationship?
Again, this is a common belief, and you may have this thought due to the culture you have been raised in. You may have been conditioned to think that marriage is for life and therefore when your marriage is struggling, you may feel as though you have failed personally. However, this online course will help you understand and realise, you have not failed, it is the society system which trapped you.
My parents will be so disappointed that my relationship is over.
Yes, they probably will as most parents want to see you happy, and they fear their children experiencing a challenging life event. However, some parents were raised in different times, those when divorce was not seen as so 'acceptable' and therefore have strong beliefs about separation and divorce. However, you are an adult now and maybe even a parent and you deserve to be happy. Maybe you can teach your children that happiness is more important than a legal agreement that you once signed. Once you believe you have a right to be happy, you can make decisions that are right for you.
Your Course Instructor
