Realizing that you are not happy in a marriage can be devastating...
Most marriages are a rollercoaster of good times and bad and maybe there is no such thing as the perfect marriage.
However, when the bad times outweigh the good, we can get to a point of seriously considering whether to end our marriage. We become tired of the same old battles, resentments, and disagreements resurfacing - and we begin to yearn for a more positive way to live.
Ending a marriage may seem to be a huge undertaking, and often in the dark of the night, we think it is an impossibility.
How do you undo all that you have built up together? Questions such as how the children will be affected, how will other people react? and, can I afford to separate? plague our mind daily. If we feel it is impossible to leave, we can feel trapped and helpless, meaning our mental health starts to suffer.
Of course, we may have met someone else who has made us realize that we could be happier in our relationships. It is common for affairs to start when we feel our marriage is lacking in some way and whilst initially, these can be exciting and fun, ultimately, they can lead to more confusion in knowing what to do regarding ending our marriage.
Ending a marriage is so often seen as a bad thing to do - yet I believe ending a marriage can be one of the most liberating and confidence-building experiences for anyone in a poor situation.
Whilst some questions such as financial implications and children's access can only be answered by a legal professional, knowing where to start to explore separation can be a huge relief in itself.
My personal journey through the divorce process prompted me, as a counseling psychologist, to write a book to help others,
This sample course will take you around 20 minutes to complete and will help you decide if taking my full course would be beneficial for you
I hope that by taking the book and expanding it into an online resource, I can help many more people identify if their marriage really does need to end, help the learner identify what solutions are available to improve communication and provide a safe space to explore how they really feel about separation.
Best Wishes
anonymised for privacy
I Can Handle Divorce is well written & helpful
Bill Gladstone (Agent for Eckhart Tolle and Neale Donald Walsch)
I have read your new book I can handle divorce, and what can I say, WOW! I actually cried while reading it along with nodding my head through the whole book. I found it so helpful and made me feel very positive about my situation and that I CAN HANDLE IT! Amazon Reviewer
I think sometimes it takes for you to read or hear something for you to have some clarity on what is going on and our emotions cloud our judgment and make us believe that something is the right decision when actually it is just the easiest option. Your book made me realise I was just taking the easiest option to avoid my fears.
Amazon Reviewer
I cannot get over how helpful your book was and take your advice to heart as you have clearly been through and survived a very similar situation to mine. It is also comforting for me to think, if you have done it, so can I! I just want to thank you for writing this book and I will be very interested in any more books you create with your wisdom and knowledge.
Amazon reviewer
This book certainly made me think and reflect on my own marriage. It gave me permission to feel the way I was feeling and when I have a 'wobble' I pick up the book and instantly feel calmer. I keep it in my handbag as the size is perfect to carry around. I have also bought two copies for my friends to encourage them they too can handle divorce!
Amazon Reviewer
Thank you so much for helping me through the worst time of my life. You have no idea how much strength you gave me to keep going. You are an amazing person and an inspiration. I hope I can now put my ostrich past behind me and move forward.
Tracy – Zoom Client (UK)
I am finally divorced and I am over the moon and just want to thank you for helping me find my courage and strength. I really couldn’t have done it without you.
Mary – Face to face client (UK)
I just wanted to thank you for opening my eyes to what is ‘single life’ – I love the peace and freedom it gives me and even though the divorce process was hard, it was worth it!
Sue – Zoom Client (UK)
I can see how I was raised to think about marriage and then divorce, was totally inappropriate for my mental health. Understanding separation and divorce from a more spiritual perspective has literally set me free.
Jane – Face to face client (UK)
A course to support people considering ending a relationship
For many, the end of a relationship can signify failure, loss and emotional turmoil. In addition, the financial implications and worries about survival can be huge burdens for anyone to carry. Concerns of how children will be affected by the breakup can make many ‘put up and shut up’ for far too long. Extra-marital affairs can start as one party seeks to find solace and comfort in another’s arms. Before long, resentment, bitterness and unhappiness can start to fester, silently impacting every member of the household.
Very few people wake up one morning and out of the blue think, “I am unhappy so I will leave this relationship today’. For many, nights of anguish and soul searching have been the norm. Months or even years of tension and emotional conflict have been experienced by both parties in the relationship, yet these arguments get pushed under the rug, and we can carry on for years, pretending that the relationship is harmonious. Yet one day, the underlying pain can be handled no more and the thought of breaking up enters our consciousness.
Yet, the thought of separating and divorce can be so overwhelming as it is a physical, emotional, mental and financial ending. The pain and grief which is experienced can be so scary that our mental health can really start to suffer. We may begin drinking more alcohol, start to take anti-depressants, all to simply help us cope. Yet, in reality what we need is a guiding hand from someone who can lead us through the emotional and mental hardship which is separation.
In reality, breaking up can be the most liberating, empowering act of self-love that anyone will experience, not just for themselves but for the other person in the partnership. In addition, the positive effect on children no longer experiencing silent tension has been proven academically for years.
and methodology
This is an interactive course where you will journal your answers - this is an extremely powerful tool that allows you to take a step back and think about why you feel a certain way and consider what your next steps are.
This self-reflective process allows for a positive shift in your mindset, meaning you can think more clearly, allowing you to make decisions that reduce confusion.
The course has 16 modules which each take approximately 30 minutes to complete
Each module has a video introduction, written guidance, reflective journal prompts and a set of positive affirmations.
Module 1
Why can’t I just live happily ever after?
Module 2
Marriage is supposed to be hard work – isn’t it?
Module 3
I’ve got to make it work, I don’t have a choice – do I?
Module 4
I have to stay for the sake of my children – don’t I?
Module 5
I don’t even know where to start
Module 6
Solicitors and the court scare me
Module 7
I don’t want to see my children upset
Module 8
Who will support me – I feel so alone
Module 9
Why can’t I stop crying – I should be able to handle it
Module 10
I can handle making changes
Module 11
I think I am ready to make a decision
Module 12
Helping others to respect my decision
Module 13
Managing my ex-partner
Module 14
I can’t survive on my own – can I?
Module 15
Moving on – Bring it on!
Module 16
OMG – I’ve handled it!
✔ You are unhappy in your relationship
✔ You are wondering if counselling or mediation will help your relationship
✔ You are thinking about the implications of ending your relationship
✔ You are considering separation and or divorce as an option
✔ Need reassurance that separation is an avenue to explore
✔ Need support in handling the emotional and mental upheaval of separation
✔ Want unbiased guidance which will help give you clarity and reduce confusion
✔ You are confused about the next steps
✔ Are not quite ready to see a legal professional yet
You will
✔ Have clarity regarding if separation and or divorce is the right choice for you
✔ Know the next steps regarding the legal procedure to take
✔ Have an increased awareness of the fears which may be stopping you from separating
✔ Have reduced anxiety when dealing with your partner, family and lawyers
✔ Be reassured that separation is the right choice for you
✔ Feel supported in handling this major life change
✔ Be confident that you can and will handle all aspects of the separation process
✔ Know you can make choices that are right for you
✔ Be less fearless of the future and reduced self-doubts
✔ Have an action plan for moving on with an increased belief in your own capabilities and inner strength
✔ Know you can handle whatever happens during and after the separation process
from previous clients
Is it normal to feel confused and overwhelmed when I am considering separation?
Of course! Very few people enter a committed relationship thinking it will end. Not only do we have the loss of our future together, but we are also thrust into a world of the ‘unknown’ and when our ‘survival’ is threatened we start to feel fear leading to anxiety. We become so overwhelmed with emotion that we struggle to think logically. This is why we feel so confused and uncertain.
I have stayed for the sake of the children but now my mental health is suffering. What can I do?
We can think staying for the children is being kind, yet actually, children are very perceptive and will be able to tell if either parent is unhappy. Children have a right to be raised in a home where both parties are loving, supportive, communicative and open with each other. Anything else is damaging for them. One parent can provide a great upbringing for the child if the home is safe and free from conflict
Will my children be traumatised by the separation? I am scared.
Of course, you are as you are an empathic parent, and our culture does a great job of telling us how much divorce upsets children. Yet what they fail to tell you is how much a disharmonious home can affect not only the mental health of the children but also negatively affect their romantic relationships as adults. This topic is so key there is a module on this subject alone
Can I afford to separate from my partner?
This is a common worry for those considering separation and this is why seeing a legal professional can be so reassuring. However, even booking a consultation can be scary and this course will help you in making this step and reassure you of all the different ways you can gain help with the legal process.
Why do I feel like I have failed if I end this relationship?
Again, this is a common belief, and many have this due to the culture they have been raised in. We have been taught that relationships are for life and when they break down, we can feel as though we are the ones that have failed. However, this online course will help you understand and realise, you have not failed, it is the system which trapped you.
My parents will be so disappointed that my relationship is over
Yes, they probably will as most parents want to see you happy and they fear their children experiencing a challenging life event. However, many parents were raised in different times, those when divorce was not seen as so 'acceptable' and therefore have strong beliefs about separation and divorce. However, you are an adult and probably a parent now and you deserve to be happy and teach your children that happiness is more important than a legal agreement that you once signed. Once you believe you have a right to be happy, you can make decisions that are right for you.
Your Course Instructor
